One of the things I've always struggled with in life is accepting change. People come and go, looks develop as we age and material objects start to deteriorate after time. It's all part of life.
The biggest change I've been struggling to accept? My looks.
For a majority of my life, I was overweight – 225 lbs at my heaviest; an XL and size 16. I, quite frankly, was embarrassed and found it hard to see anything physically appealing about myself. I was struggling to be happy.
The second half of my junior year I lived with probably one of the healthiest people you could ever meet. She worked out every day and at her fruits and veggies religiously – we even joked that she was reminiscent of a rabbit at times. I knew I wanted to make a lifestyle change before we lived together, but she inspired me to go for it.
I started working out and kept my fridge stocked with the healthiest of foods. I said goodbye to the fast food, junk food, soda and sugary lattes – everything we secretly love. Four months later and, well, I was about 60 lbs lighter. A size 6 and fitting into small and medium clothes. My friends immediately expressed their concern as to how quickly I seemed to have "disappeared." I'll admit that at times I didn't go about it in the healthiest of ways and became obsessed with the idea of perfection. My family didn't say much, but I knew by their lack of silence and the looks I was getting that they were concerned, too.
It finally hit me when I looked in the mirror one day, a few months later, as to how quickly I shrunk. Never in a million years did I think I'd be able to reach my goal, but in the blink of an eye there I was – half of who I was.
You're probably asking, "If you hit your goal then why are you still struggling?"
Well it's not that easy. I went from a size 16 to 2; an XL to an XS. A majority of that happened in a short amount of time. I wasn't seeing what everybody else was – that's where the concern was raised. I was, and still struggle with, immediately seeing all my insecurities; the areas I still want to work on. I'm working to better that and love myself for who I am. As with everything in life, it's a process. I'm confident, though, that one day soon I can look past the imperfections and genuinely be proud of myself for how far I've come.
Today I'm in the best shape of my life. I continue to work out and eat healthy, mostly for health reasons. My brother is getting married in May. Both my mom and I are on a quest to look our best for those wedding photos. Seriously, how can you not when everybody sees them? We've joined a gym and started cooking together more. It's nice to have someone by your side who also wants to live a healthier lifestyle.
Working toward accepting some things is hard. This is one of the hardest battles I've struggled with; something I've consistently beaten myself up over time and time again. Someone I barely know, but see on occasion told me recently to stop being so hard on myself. Another moment where everything finally hit me. It's funny. I've wanted to write this blog post for the longest time, but have always felt too vulnerable. Sometimes you just need to let it all out, though, in order to finally accept things.
Looks don't define who I am. The caring, loving, happy-go-lucky girl I am is what people have fallen in love with. That said, next time someone brings donuts into work you bet your bottom dollar I'm grabbing one because, as I've learned, a little indulgence here and there won't kill me.
Here's to a healthier and happier 2016.
The biggest change I've been struggling to accept? My looks.
For a majority of my life, I was overweight – 225 lbs at my heaviest; an XL and size 16. I, quite frankly, was embarrassed and found it hard to see anything physically appealing about myself. I was struggling to be happy.
The second half of my junior year I lived with probably one of the healthiest people you could ever meet. She worked out every day and at her fruits and veggies religiously – we even joked that she was reminiscent of a rabbit at times. I knew I wanted to make a lifestyle change before we lived together, but she inspired me to go for it.
I started working out and kept my fridge stocked with the healthiest of foods. I said goodbye to the fast food, junk food, soda and sugary lattes – everything we secretly love. Four months later and, well, I was about 60 lbs lighter. A size 6 and fitting into small and medium clothes. My friends immediately expressed their concern as to how quickly I seemed to have "disappeared." I'll admit that at times I didn't go about it in the healthiest of ways and became obsessed with the idea of perfection. My family didn't say much, but I knew by their lack of silence and the looks I was getting that they were concerned, too.
It finally hit me when I looked in the mirror one day, a few months later, as to how quickly I shrunk. Never in a million years did I think I'd be able to reach my goal, but in the blink of an eye there I was – half of who I was.
You're probably asking, "If you hit your goal then why are you still struggling?"
Well it's not that easy. I went from a size 16 to 2; an XL to an XS. A majority of that happened in a short amount of time. I wasn't seeing what everybody else was – that's where the concern was raised. I was, and still struggle with, immediately seeing all my insecurities; the areas I still want to work on. I'm working to better that and love myself for who I am. As with everything in life, it's a process. I'm confident, though, that one day soon I can look past the imperfections and genuinely be proud of myself for how far I've come.
Today I'm in the best shape of my life. I continue to work out and eat healthy, mostly for health reasons. My brother is getting married in May. Both my mom and I are on a quest to look our best for those wedding photos. Seriously, how can you not when everybody sees them? We've joined a gym and started cooking together more. It's nice to have someone by your side who also wants to live a healthier lifestyle.
Working toward accepting some things is hard. This is one of the hardest battles I've struggled with; something I've consistently beaten myself up over time and time again. Someone I barely know, but see on occasion told me recently to stop being so hard on myself. Another moment where everything finally hit me. It's funny. I've wanted to write this blog post for the longest time, but have always felt too vulnerable. Sometimes you just need to let it all out, though, in order to finally accept things.
Looks don't define who I am. The caring, loving, happy-go-lucky girl I am is what people have fallen in love with. That said, next time someone brings donuts into work you bet your bottom dollar I'm grabbing one because, as I've learned, a little indulgence here and there won't kill me.
Here's to a healthier and happier 2016.